Dedication: To all those who are scared of fireworks, let your fear never hinder you from witnessing the brightness of a new chapter.

I am scared of fireworks.

I was never a fan of the loud booms that make one cover their ears in vain or even the burning chaos that comes before the echoes. The pyro spectacle may deliver such joy and awe to others, but to me, it’s an obnoxious event that is both terrifying and overwhelming in the form of a deafening and blinding juncture.

As the number twelve aligns closely to the arrows of the wall clock, I rewind back to this year—a year that is set to wave goodbye after so many minutes have gone by.

These little events that have intertwined into pieces of memories begin to play faintly as it spirals back into my mind. I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my gallery as I looked at the photos and videos that documented what I have done and experienced this year.

Running my thumb down the smooth screen, reminiscences of the fleeting moments that defined who I have become over the past 365 days occupy every second. The photos of me and my friends exploring various places pop right at me multiple times, random snaps of scenery would make cameos, and even screenshots of posts that I once found interesting would occasionally reveal themselves between swipes.

Yet, something lurks inside my mind. A feeling that makes me more horrified by the fireworks.

This plethora of simple digital captures will be left behind from this day on, like once-filled bottles of sweetness and goodness I had grown euphoric from, now empty and shelved in memory.

Here come the loud noises that seem to echo from a premonition, a reverberation that forebodes the happenings of incertitude right into my face. The sanity sprints and tumbles, causing me to ponder about what a new year would come dragging to my narrative.

What if I face new problems I have never encountered before?

What if I meet people that will make my life step on rocks?

What if I can’t take in what awaits as the clock strikes midnight?

I dropped my phone, and started to gaze at the new calendar with a heart beating as if I just finished a long marathon. My hands cannot control the pace of the change rushing toward me. Fear seeps in, sadness follows, and tears spill as my eyes fall to the ground.

Boom!

A sudden noise and a spark of light steal my attention from the pitch-black sky. The colors play and dance in the darkness with a blasting mix of pitches and rocket-like sounds that ripple through the night.

Never have I viewed fireworks in such a heartening manner. Until now.

The canvas that was once blank and empty was now filled with intricate yet alluring strokes of light that seemed to be more than a show. It felt like a signal to a bright and fresh start.

I took a deep breath and gave the time to overcome the trembling feeling with my eyes glued to each blast. When it reached the end of the display, the emotions of dread fell down while the realization hit.

This new year may never bring back the same hangouts with friends, sleepless study nights, and the amount of memories that made the last year its own chapter.

But one thing is certain: this year, too, is mine to keep. And I will let the ever-present uncertainty of my destiny create a journey that I will call my own. - Phoebe Elaine Pua